Cheat Codes by Katrele Tokyo

You know how some people either learn with their hands, from listening to instruction, reading instructions, or by visually seeing you do it right? Well what do you call somebody that learns things the hard way? Whatever it is, let me be the first to admit that that’s me. Sometimes I have to laugh at myself when things come full circle because The Universe always has a way of teaching me my lesson in a way that I see it clear as day. I consider it a gift because I’m able to learn so much and grow into my wisdom. The problem is, learning about dealing with other people is where things get tricky since we can only be accountable for ourselves. Everybody does not think like you and because of that, we conflict with others. Our viewpoints on life can cause breakups in relationships, tension with family members and drive wedges between friends. And that's a lesson I've learned the hard way one too many times. In the essence of receiving peace in every aspect of my life, I’ve decided to share a few of my own hard lessons and advise on dealing with people either personally or romantically and hopefully it’ll help you somewhere along the way.

First and foremost, accept people for who they are. This lesson alone will eliminate half the battle of dealing with the people in our everyday life. So many times we as people feel like because we don’t agree with who or how someone does something we can change them. But if I don’t see a problem with how I do my hair, why would I be in a rush to change it just because you have a problem with it? Sure in a perfect world we can communicate and compromise and hopefully the people in your life are willing to align themselves with your social preferences as you are with them. Is that always the case? Hell no. I’d be married to either one of my ex’s by now if it were. Expecting a person to change who sees no error in their ways is a waste of time so the BEST thing I’ve learned, was you can either learn to live with the less than favorable things about people or you can chose not to deal with them at all for the sake of your own sanity.

Speaking of protecting your own sanity, know your limits with people! Unhealthy situations will always do more harm than good. Damn the security and familiarity of situations. You don’t owe anyone your happiness but you. There’s always going to be better for you if you accept that you deserve it. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is let go and move on. How else is what’s perfect for you going to find its way? Just like healthy hair can’t grow from split, damaged ends you can’t grow into healthy traits and characteristics by holding on to bad energy. Letting go does not always mean defeat, it can mean acceptance and accountability. Be accountable for your part, acknowledge the error and how uncomfortable it makes you, and decide whether you can accept it or its better to let it go. Letting go of what is obviously not for you is a clear sign that you know your worth by setting those boundaries for people. That’s something to be proud of. It ensures that only what can help you is surrounding you and if you surround yourself with only the good energy that people give off, you’ll have no choice but to give off those same energies. I know a whole lot about how holding on to what was only meant to teach me a lesson and I’ve regretted not adhering to the obvious red flags to move on. Holding on to dead hair and being left spiritually baldheaded, that's what we gon' call this!

Which now brings me to my next lesson, pay attention to the red flags. If you look back on every bad situation you’ve evolved from I’m pretty sure that you can point out at least once where you saw a sign of the detriment, albeit small, that you totally ignored. People always reveal their true intent and those rose colored glasses we wear when dealing with people we really like (or are just really attracted to) can filter flaws that can later reveal a bigger issue. Always be able to discern toxic behavior and never make excuses for it. People will only do what we allow in our lives so if you’re allowing energy to influence your own, make sure it’s only good energy. If you’re going to give anybody the benefit of the doubt, make sure it's you.

And that right there brings me to the last lesson I’ll share which is one that I still struggle with to this day but it’s actually the most important. Forgive yourself for making bad decisions. You can’t heal any wound without first clearing the infected area just like you can’t heal yourself without healing what affected you. Some people are able to heal through attaching to someone else while others can appreciate solidarity in order to reflect and heal themselves. However you chose to do it, do it! Don’t let yesterday’s mistakes, keep you from trying again another day. My Nana always says “you can come back from anything but death” and that lesson too came full circle the hard way. So when dealing with people or even just disappointment in life general, remember that things are just situations and circumstances that can and most likely will change. We have to forgive ourselves in order to move in a positive direction because if we don’t, we’ll only continue to settle for less than what we deserve. I remember this time I got fired from a job for something that I thought I could have avoided. I beat myself up over it for months and I felt like I let myself down. If it wasn’t for that moment that I decided to forgive myself, I don’t think I would have found the job that I have now and have been working at for almost four years and I love. I’m able to move on knowing that what’s for me won’t pass me by and what’s meant to leave won't stay.

I’m still in my twenty somethings and I have so many other lessons I’ve learned. The best part of it all is knowing I still have lessons to learn going forward and I look forward to it because they often come with blessings attached. It’s just how it goes. That’s the beauty of life. Enjoy it ☺